Of course for me, it could be because getting Sullivan acclimated to middle school has been hard–he’s overwhelmed and therefore, so am I.
It could be that we are in a state of flux right now, not knowing if in 6 months my husband will be here or there with his unknown work status. It could be that I’m already thinking of missed friends if we end up moving away, and friends that are already missing for some unknown reason.
It could be that I myself feel overwhelmed with my retail job hours. Sometimes I feel like life is just slipping away around me and I’m missing important things.
It could be that my daughter just went to her junior Homecoming, and every day she gets more and more independent and grown up and is doing what she’s supposed to be doing…getting farther and farther away from her ol’ parents.
It could be that I watched the original beloved Charlotte’s Web cartoon movie this morning–a movie I remember watching in the theater as a child, a story that even though it’s NEVER improved my outlook of spiders, has always touched me deeply. Whether watching or reading it, I can’t get through it without sobbing. I think it also has to do with that nostalgic childhood thing–do you know what I mean? (it’s kind of ironic that I miss a childhood that on paper, was really not all that grand!)
It could be that last night I watched “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” (after also reading the book) and am now just finishing up Viv’s English Lit read, “The Fault in Our Stars”, which is a lovely little up-lifter about teens with cancer.
Whew! I guess there are a few reasons!
Does it surprise you to know that even a Life Coach can just be Sad, with a capital ‘S’? Sad for no reason, and yet many reasons? Like, being a Life Coach and all, shouldn’t she just be able to talk herself out of it, be at one with the world, always look at the bright side, and all of that hooda-hooda stuff?
It would have surprised me not long ago. And I would have done just that–tried to push it away, be one with the world, look at the bright side. But guess what? We are not really supposed to do that. We are human beings–how on earth could we possibly be happy all of the time?! There is frustration, sadness, loss, difficulty, all sorts of things that are hard in this world–and all day long, day in and day out, we endure them. Most of us endure them by pushing those feelings away as quickly as they come on. We try desperately to push the thoughts out of our minds–to put on a happy face, because that’s what we think we owe ourselves and the world. God Forbid we aren’t grateful for the many good things that we have, and that we may be responsible for other’s unhappiness with them witnessing our own. (btw, that’s their own choice to feel unhappiness, but that’s a whole ‘nother blog post!!)
One of the many valuable lessons I’ve learned in my life coach training is that instead of dishonoring those very real feelings you are feeling–and they are real, even if you can’t put a finger on exactly what they are about–I wallow in them. I let myself feel them. I don’t push them away or try to explain them away. I let myself cry. I let myself feel. It hurts and it sucks. But for whatever reason, I need to feel it and I need to get it out. Holding it in is not healthy for anyone. Not for you–you know it’s in there, just waiting to manifest itself in some poisonous way (either physically or emotionally)–and certainly not for everyone around you, who may one day just by looking at you funny end up with expletives followed by pea soup splattered all over them as you become that girl in The Exorcist who can not contain that evil stuff any longer.
Next time you feel sad–or mad, or disappointed, or scared, or anything you may deem ‘negative’–honor it. Feel it. Roll with it. Sit quietly with it and see where you feel that emotion in your body. It is there for a reason. Do you feel it in your head? Your stomach? Your back? What is that body part saying to you? I know, it seems ridiculous, but I swear your body part that’s hurting will give you some kind of crazy message. What you think may be making you feel that way may be something completely different, and you should know what it is. Only when you really feel it and know it can you make friends with it…and therefore take it’s power away.
So today I will be sad–and that’s okay. I don’t write this for any pity from you, my dear readers. Honestly it’s sort of a big deal for me to even admit quite publicly that seemingly -always -happy -and -laughing me can sometimes be heavy with sadness. But I do so hoping that you, in your sad days, will be kind to yourself and let it tell you what you need to know. Cry, mope around, feel sorry for yourself. It won’t last forever…in fact, you’ll be surprised at how much better you feel after you let yourself give in to it.
Just in typing this and allowing my self to be my ‘Real’ self, I am starting to feel better already. Between that and getting on Facebook to read the latest irreverent ecard I’ll be back to my silliness in no time.